


one last you

by HorusAdorus



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Shuake Week 2020, no beta we die like joker on the 20th of november, obligatory 2/2 fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorusAdorus/pseuds/HorusAdorus
Summary: Ren doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘If you love them, let them go’ until Goro walks out of Leblanc, and into the cold February night.Shuake Week 2020 - Day 5 :Opposites|Home|Outfits
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	one last you

**Author's Note:**

> _The last day with you was truly magical  
>  The frozen time began to flow  
> At last the longest night has gone and brought in light  
> I felt myself melt in the morning light_

Ren doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘If you love them, let them go’ until Goro walks out of Leblanc, and into the cold February night.

Love’s a funny word. He loves his friends, he loves his dad’s coffee and curry, and being a Phantom Thief, and he loves--he’s in love with Goro. Yes, he’s certain. Ren Amamiya has fallen in love with Goro _fucking_ Akechi and has just watched him walk out of Leblanc for the last time. Is this how it ends? They’ve been dancing around each other for the better part of a month now, Goro the ebb, and he the flow. He should have seen it coming, should have been better.

They never got to say a proper goodbye.

The next moment, Ren finds himself pulling his coat on, struggling to fit his arms in the sleeves, and fumbling over his own two feet. Stupid, stupid, stupid, Goro’s going to be gone by the time he reaches the station, stupid, he should have just held on--He nearly trips over Morgana as he slams the door open.

“Where are you going? It’s late, Ren, you should--”

“I know, I know, I’ll be back soon, I gotta just…” He trails off, glancing up and down the alleyway for any sign of Goro. There’s no sign of him anywhere, a cold dread settling sickly in his stomach, he’s missed his chance, stupid, stupid, stupid.

A sharp pain in his shoulder snaps him out of his reverie, and Ren staggers back with the new weight. “I’m coming too!” Morgana yowls. “If you’re looking for Akechi, he went down the alley.”

There’s love again. Ren loves Morgana and his sushi-demanding habits, and all of his flaws, and cute little paws. It makes his heart warm to see Morgana curled up under the blankets in the winter mornings, or hold onto his secrets with nary a hint of judgement. The embodiment of pure human hope rests on his shoulders, and Ren feels like he’s flying as they race towards the station.

At this time of night on a Thursday, the station is nearly dead, so there’s no crowd for Goro to hide in as he watches the train just leaving. Ren stares. Unlike the burning anger and bitterness that had brought Goro alive back in Leblanc, his face now just looks pale and blank, back ramrod straight. His lines and shapes seem to be full of tension, a bowstring about to snap.

“Goro?” It comes out barely a whisper, and he’s not even sure Goro’s heard, until he blinks, hard, and tilts his head enough to meet Ren’s gaze. For the second time that night, Ren has a revelation, and thinks he finally understands why people call eyes ‘the window to the soul’. The blinds are closed tight in Goro’s, the curtains drawn. “Do you… want to come back to Leblanc?”

“The trains are going to stop soon.” Right. Of course.

Ren doesn’t leave. Morgana curls up closer, an improvised scarf. Goro keeps watching him out of the corner of his eye. Eventually the train pulls up, and this time Goro actually gets on. Ren finds himself following close behind.

“What are you doing?” Goro growls, a hint of heat creeping into his voice. What _is_ he doing? Ren shrugs, as much as he can with a cat on his shoulder. He’ll have to get back to Goro on that one. “Go home, Amamiya.”

Ouch.

Now, here, in the romance novels his mother would read, would be the point that the main protagonist would say some cheesy line about how their love interest is their home. But Ren is not the protagonist of a romance novel (yet), and Goro is not his love interest (yet), so he stays zipped, plopping himself down on a seat with all the dramatics he can muster. 

“I had to run after you, y’know. Lemme sit down for five minutes,” He says, to Goro’s unamused raised eyebrow. It’s owner sighs, and reaches up to grab a handle, letting himself sway with the movement of the train.

Ren’s not sure how long they ride for, much further than Ren’s been on the Yongen line anyway. Morgana’s fast asleep, and Ren’s considering dozing off himself, when a station announcement causes Goro to shift, just enough that Ren knows it’s time to get off. 

The station is unfamiliar, run down, in a backstreet suburb not unlike Yongen-Jaya, but with none of the familiar, welcoming atmosphere. It’s started to snow, a gentle flurry that startles Morgana awake. Goro seems unbothered, stride brisk. It’s with a slight gut punch that Ren realises that he doesn’t actually know where Goro lives, never bothered to ask, never extended an invitation. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this, but more along the lines of some kinda fancy apartment near the middle of the city.

Goro’s actual apartment turns out to be in a somewhat derelict building, and even in the gloom, Ren can make out broken windows on one of the ground floor flats. 

“Is this really where he lives?” Morgana wonders aloud, tail twitching in Ren’s face. He’s surveying the area, blue eyes lingering on the shattered glass and bottles that litter the ground. 

“Oi.” Goro’s voice is sharp, cutting through the air like a knife. He’s already climbed the stairs, looking down on them from the balcony. “Hurry up, or I’ll lock you out.” Ren didn’t need to be told twice. 

To say Goro’s flat was underwhelming was, needless to say, an understatement.

Even from the door, Ren could see it was horribly bare, cold dull floors with cold white walls. There was hardly a single personal belonging, and even the furniture looked to be disused. Goro cocks his head from where he was hanging up his coat, eyes narrowed in scrutiny. 

“Close the door, it’s cold enough as is,” Right. Sojiro should have trained him enough by now to not leave the doors open, but it seems seeing the place where the detective prince lived was enough of a shock to make Ren lose all his manners.

“It’s so empty. You really live like this?” Using his shoulder as a springboard, Morgana leaps onto the kitchen counter, leaving pawprints in the thin dust. Aww. “Even his room wasn’t as empty when he moved in!”

“I’ve only been here a month or so,” Goro mutters, fishing around in the fridge for...something.

“Why?” Ren dallys at the counter for a moment, before moving to delicately sit on the end of the sofa. Goro glances back over his shoulder, with that expression on his face like he’s judging whatever dumb thing just came out of Ren’s mouth.

“Did you really forget that I was arrested on Christmas Eve?” Oops. Goro slams the fridge shut, a box in his hand. “I was expelled from school soon after, and lost access to my dorm. So now I’m here.”

“Akechi…” Morgana starts--then freezes. He sniffs the box in Goro’s hand, and perks up considerably. “Is that sushi?!” 

Oh god. Not two sushi fiends.

Goro’s eyebrows furrow, and he glances between the box, Morgana, the box, and then to Ren. Ren gives him a sort of encouraging smile, that he can only hope helps Goro know that it’s totally ok to say no to Morgana, that the not-a-cat’s been plenty fed back at Leblanc.

“I think there’s some instant noodles in the cupboard if you’re hungry, Amamiya.”

Damn that kitty adorableness.

“Sushiiiii! Ooh, do you have any Fatty Tuna?” 

Love, Ren thinks, is letting your cat and rival slash crush slash wish eat all the sushi while you’re left to make yourself noodles. From the sound of Morgana’s delight, it’s the good sushi too.

Maybe he can take Goro out to that one place in Ginza when everything is--

It feels like there’s frost crawling up his throat, ice needles in his heart. The evening’s conversation comes rushing back, and suddenly Ren can’t breathe. He lets the kettle boil in silence, listening to the bubbling and surprisingly cheery conversation coming from the sofa, mostly from Morgana.

“Ren,” Goro’s there, a hand millimetres from his back, and Ren sees something unsure in his eyes for a split second, before it’s gone. “You’ve been staring into space.” Could have said the same to you earlier, Crow.

“Oh, ah, I was just thinking about how it’s really quiet in here--” Ren lies, eyes darting across the counter. There, in the corner, he sees a small set of cheap looking speakers with an AUX cord. Bingo. “--Think your neighbours will mind if I use your speakers?”

“Don’t have any.”

“Cool,” A thought occurs to him then. “You’re, uh, allowed to live here, right?”

“Mm, it’s where I was told to go after I was released, and I was given the key so I assume so. Might just be that man’s way of punishing me for not obeying to his fucking reality.”

“Maruki’s not like that,” Ren begins weakly. Goro’s sideways glare is enough for him to drop the topic altogether. He sets up his phone instead, finding the playlist containing all the jazz music Goro had recommended to him ages ago, plus some of his own finds.

Even the warm, sultry tones of the music don’t defrost the atmosphere. Goro moves into what must be his bedroom, door snapping shut behind him. Ren sullenly eats his noodles on the sofa, careful not to spill anyway, because he’s sure Goro will only throw him out if he does.

“What’d you say to him?” Morgana asks, pausing in his post-sushi paw clean.

“It’s nothing to worry about, we just...brought Maruki up in conversation, that’s all.” 

There’s a thump from Goro’s room. 

“Hey, Mona? Do you think you-know-who was telling the truth?” It’s the look that Morgana gives him that has Ren understanding why Goro hates pity so much.

“I don’t know, but I don’t think he was lying. Dying in the Metaverse is a complicated subject--”

“ _If_ he died.”

“--He was basing it off your memories, Ren, and he seems to think Akechi was gone, back then. I...I don’t mean to give you false hope, but even I’m not sure how it will all play out,” Even so, Ren feels a little bit of the dread in his chest lighten. There’s still a non-zero chance that everything will turn out ok, there has to be.

“Oh, don’t bother. I died back then, and I’ll die again tomorrow,” Ren jumps, twisting in his seat to see someone standing behind him. He blinks. The stranger is in pyjama bottoms and a red hoodie, both decorated with golden stars. A pair of thin, round glasses hiding crimson eyes sit on their nose, which is, as well as the rest of their face, covered in splatterings of freckles. There’s paint on their hands, and a scar creeping up their neck and left cheek. Their hair is the same colour as Goro’s, drawn back into a messy ponytail.

Oh. That is Goro.

Ren’s never seen him like this before, and it leaves him breathless. He is so, _so_ in love with him. Fuck.

Wait. No, no, that’s not right. Goro has never _let_ Ren see him like this. It’s pretty much the closest thing to an expression of love, coming from him, so Ren won’t comment on it. 

It does look damn cute on him though.

Goro’s looking at him, head canted again.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Y’know, whenever you look at something you kinda-” Ren tips his head to demonstrate his point. “-why?”

“Force of habit,” Ah. With the shape of his masks, Goro would have to move his head like that to see. A crow indeed. Adorable. “Don’t change the subject.”

“Are you certain you died, back then, on the ship?” Morgana asks, jumping up to the back of the sofa. 

“I have the scar to show you, if you’d like,” Goro doesn’t mean it literally, but Morgana eyes narrow in thought, and Ren tries to mentally prepare himself for the possibility of seeing Goro shirtless. “It’s not pretty mind you.”

“We don’t mind,” Goro sighs, and moves to sit at the other end of the sofa, taking off his hoodie as he does so. Ren stifles a laugh at the faded Featherman t shirt he has on under it, but it quickly fades when Goro removes that too.

The gunshot scar sits like a flower in bloom, nestled, with a wave of nausea as he realises, just above Goro’s heart. It’s irregular, with petals torn and shredded, coalescing into one singular point. It looks so real. There are other scars too, ones Ren’s never seen before, burns, slashes, one disturbingly large scar around his stomach, a long red scar across his upper chest, decorating Goro’s torso in a beautiful canvas. 

“Can I?” Ren asks tentatively, hand already outstretched. Goro looks startled, leaning back. That’s a no then. His hand falls back in his lap.

“That’s definitely a gunshot wound,” Morgana murmurs, leaning forward to inspect it. He droops, and Ren’s insides turn frigid. “I don’t want to say for sure, but it seems like you-know-who may have been right. I...I’m sorry.”

Goro doesn’t say a word, just turns to put his t shirt and hoodie back on. In doing so, Ren catches a glimpse of his back--the exit wound, and other scars, and, to his utter shock, what looks like a small tattoo. 

“Is that a tattoo?!” Goro sends him a disdainful side eye, but he still turns to let Ren see it in full. A simple circle, one half made up of a black feather, the other, decorated with sun rays, and circled by two black crows. It’s beautiful, elegant, and sort of undecipherable, just like it’s owner. “Er… what is it exactly?”

“An eclipse,” Ooh, he sees it now. “The crows are… they’re meant to be my personas.” There’s a hint of incredible _fondness_ creeping into Goro’s voice, underneath the hesitance. Ren’s never actually asked about Goro and his personas before.

There’s a lot he’s never asked about Goro, thinking about it.

“Which one is which?”

“Depends who you ask,” Goro says, like he’s revealing an inside joke. Maybe he is.

And it strikes Ren then that, actually? he knows very little about Goro, except for the slivers of information Goro trusted him enough with. And somehow, that fact alone makes everything so much harder.

The music playing from the speakers changes to a familiar melody. Lyn’s soulful voice sweeps across them, and Ren, well, Ren has probably the first good idea of the whole day.

“Dance with me,” He stands up, and holds out his hand for Goro to take. The boy in question just stares up at him, confusion and exasperation in his face. Ren wiggles his fingers. “Please? Just this once, c’mon.”

The thing about love is that sometimes you can’t see the edge until you’re tumbling off it, Ren thinks. He, in this particular metaphor, probably tried to grappling hook over the pit, only to fall straight it, and can only hope he looked cool doing it.

Goro stands on the brink now, and they both know it. 

_(“Some people just aren’t made for love.” Goro had said one night, hidden away in a secluded corner of the Jazz Jin. At the moment, he had been discussing the details of an affair case, a political scandal, but Ren gets the feeling now that, as with everything Goro says, it was wrapped in another layer of meaning and metaphor.)_

Morgana nudges Goro’s shoulder affectionately, and Ren grins as he watches Goro take the fall, hands intertwining, arms open to catch him, always. He whisks Goro up and around the small coffee table to a wider section of floor. Goro’s arms are around his waist, loose, hesitant. Ren’s loop around his neck.

It’s not so much dancing as it is just swaying in time with the music, but it’s enough for now.

“What are you scheming, Ren?”

“Scheming, me? Never.”

“Doubtful, Leader of the Phantom Thieves.” Goro--laughs, just once, but it’s beautiful, like bells. Fuck, Ren has it so bad, doesn’t he?

“Hey. Tell me about yourself.” There’s an adorable puzzled look on Goro’s face, like Ren is a new piece of clue to be pieced together. “Anything, favourite colour, tv show, animal?”

“...Alright. If you want,” Goro begins, then pauses, closing his eyes in thought. “I’m sure this comes as no surprise, but I’ve always liked crows-” Shocker. “-long before our Phantom Thief business. I, hm, I used to attend Kosei High School, just didn’t wear the normal uniform, and I’m fluent in 2 languages, and fairly good at another 3. That enough for you?” It’s all just trivia, but Ren wants to learn more, wants to know what makes Goro _tick_ , know him right down to his bones.

“Nah, I like learning about you,” Something flickers across Goro’s face.

“You’re making up for lost time, aren’t you?” He asks.

“And so what if I am?” Goro opens his mouth to respond but stops, sighing quietly. Ren lets it drop anyway. Instead, he pulls Goro closer to him, running fingers through caramel hair as the other boy’s head droops onto his shoulder. He looks so tired, the poor thing. 

They stay like that a while longer, Ren humming under his breath. Fur brushes up against their legs, and Goro jumps, moving away to scoop Morgana into his arms with a grumble. Morgana only grins, and curls up against Goro’s chest, purring like an engine. Goro looks utterly baffled. But, slowly, a warm, hesitant smile, one Ren’s never seen before, creeps up onto his face as he stares down at the cat, before looking up to meet Ren’s eyes, pride evident on his face, like he couldn’t believe a cat had actually cuddled up to him. It makes him look years younger.

_(‘If only we had met earlier--’)_

Ren’s found a home in plenty of places - with his dad and sister, with his friends, in all corners of Tokyo, and he’s felt a lot of love for them. Tokyo _is_ his home, and where his heart will always remain. But here, in this moment, is where Ren thinks he’s been filled with the most heart-swelling love and affection. _This,_ he thinks, pressing a kiss to Goro’s forehead, and scratching Morgana behind the ears, _this is where I belong._

\--

“Hey,” Goro suddenly starts, wiping his mouth to get rid of excess toothpaste residue. “Not to be a downer but…” Something in Ren’s tone makes him freeze, makes him want to stop Goro right there, so as not to pop the bubble of hope. He spits out his toothpaste. “You are prepared for whatever happens tomorrow, right?” There it is.

“Mmhmm.”

“ _Joker,_ ” Goro’s using that testy tone that normally never fails to make Ren shiver with anticipation, but now, it just drops a weight on his shoulders.

“I know, I know. We’re all gonna exit the palace after changing his heart, and you don’t want me freaking out,” His grip on his toothbrush tightens for a moment, before Ren takes a breath and sets it down gently. “Sorry, it’s just--I don’t wanna think about it tonight.”

Goro looks like he wants to say more, a pained, almost grieved expression, crossing his face, but he doesn’t push the issue, thankfully. A beat of awkward silence passes, before Goro moves for the door, head tilted as he glances over his shoulder. “I’ll wake you up early enough so you have time to get to school.”

“Do I have to go?” Ren whines, as he follows Goro into his empty bedroom, dodging files and paper littering the floor. 

“Of course!” Morgana admonishes from his spot on the bed. Ren supposes he has no other choice then, between the two of them.

He does spot one other problem though. Just a teensy one.

“Um, where am I gonna sleep?” Ren asks, glancing around the room. Goro raises an eyebrow.

“If the bed isn’t to your liking, you can always take the sofa-” He’s cut off as Ren practically flings himself onto the bed, wiggling to get comfortable. Comfortable sleeping spot, here he comes! It gets a startled laugh out of Goro too, result!

The boy who’s stolen his heart lies down beside him, and oh, they’re very close aren’t they. Ren didn’t really register it earlier but it’s glaring now. He tries his hardest not to react as Goro curls up, catlike, dropping off nearly as soon as he rests his head on Ren’s shoulder.

It’s nice.

It’s-- Ren yawns, feels the world start to slip away-- really nice.

\--

_( He wakes up at some point. It’s far too early to be awake, but there’s voices speaking anyway. Ren only catches a few snippets, hear’s Sae’s name come up in conversation alongside his own. There’s two voices, but he can only really make out one in his sleepy haze._

_“Of course….. Scared…. Mm. Mm. No, I…. Metaverse… Mhm……….. Disappear….. No… Yes... I-”_

_The voices stop suddenly, and a face enters his vision. With eyes like rubies, and cheeks decorated with drops of starlight, the face smiles so sadly, and Ren drifts back off to sleep with a gentle hand on his cheek. )_

\--

  
  
  
  
  


A lot happens, after that.

  
  
  
  


\--

  
  


Ren wakes up to sunlight sneaking in under the blinds and right onto his pillow.

It’s a rare day off, for once, and as he rolls over to check the clock on the bedside table, his eyes linger on the twin rings, dazzling in the morning sun. Fiancé.... even the word makes his whole world light up, and he’s burst into a giddy dance at the thought more than once. But it’s not even eight yet, and Goro would kill him if Ren dragged him out of bed at this hour with no coffee waiting. So Ren settles for doing an excited sort of wiggle, stifling a giggle behind his mouth.

His fiancé as of a week ago shifts behind him. Oops.

“Ren… You up?” Goro’s morning voice is low, and warm like honey, and sends another bubble of happiness through Ren. Love’s weird like that, at some point, it turns from adrenaline spikes and sparks flying at every touch, to that content mellowness of returning _home._ But sue him, he’ll act like a teenager again, Goro only went and proposed literally the day before Ren could, and it makes Ren so, _so_ happy. 

Goro’s cracked an eye open, laying on his back with half his face hidden beneath his hair and Morgana’s fur. Ren tucks a loose strand behind his ear, and grins as Goro leans into his touch. This is his actual _Fiancé_. “Mmhmm. Want me to start on breakfast?”

There’s a hum of deliberation, before Goro rolls over and opens up his arms. As it turned out, Goro prefers actions to words, something that only really came to light after a few rocky patches once they had finally found each other again. Ren curls up against his chest, and knows that Goro’s asking him to _‘Stay’_ and _‘I love you’_ and about a million other things all wrapped into one.

Ren thumbs over the tattoo on Goro’s side. He’d since gotten another crow added to it, a simple one encompassing the rest. _(“It sort of ties it all together,” Goro had said, “Like Hereward does with us- me.”)_ Ever since Goro returned home to him, it’s been one of Ren’s favourite things about his fiancé, a secret little symbol of rebellion, even back then.

But neither of them have any more secrets now-- well. Ren’s still got that spa break for Goro and Ann under wraps, but that’s different. That’s waiting to see the love in Goro’s eyes as they light up. That’s feeling like his heart is going to burst with adoration. 

It was all so worth the wait. Ren smiles against Goro’s chest, feeling a kiss pressed into his hair. He knows Goro’s thinking the same. 

In the stillness of the morning, they stay in bed for a long while, and Ren counts the blessings that are Goro's continued heartbeat, hearing Morgana purring against Goro’s other side.

They’re all finally, _finally_ , home.

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo !! Finally got this out !! I'm super happy with how it came out, and I hoped you liked it !! It's probably my best work so far tbh shshsjskj
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HorusAdorus)
> 
> [Tumblr](https://horusadorus.tumblr.com/)


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